Hi everyone,
Heist Moss’s article is really well written. She brings up
several really astute points about: ”Rape Culture” within western society. She
is also able to bring to light how we as a society have normalized the
objectification and public humiliation of women so much so that it is ubiquitous
within western culture. Heist Moss gives space to a really important discussion
of the social position of women and gender relations. I don’t wish to take away
from that. Further, at some point I would like to complicate the discussion by
thinking about what it means to gain the public attention of men (or lack thereof)
as a woman with a visible disability. However, the point Heist Moss made that
really struck me was her discussion that the “catcalling” is ongoing and so
frequent that it has no novelty. Further, she is able to connect the harassment
to the notion that the women receiving the taunt do not know the true
intentions of the men and thus must prepare for the worst. She contends the harassment
is not just the work or a few rude individuals by rather the manifestation of a
cultural zeitgeist. It was this point
that made think “that’s my issue with ongoing questions and comments from
strangers about my disability”. I am greatful to Heist Moss for finally making this manifest
to me. I have literally spent years trying to pin point why sometimes I like to
answer questions and sometimes I don’t.
Here it is: Much like Heist Moss writes in her article the guy who harassed
her outside the bar is one of many men (that week) who have harassed her. This
interaction for her is on-going and irritating. This is my experience with
intrusive questions and comments. For example: Many people are surprised I can
drive (I am very grateful I can drive and recognize many people disabled or not
can’t), however on any given day 3 or 4 people will stop me to inquire: how I
drive? To say it’s really great I can, or tell a story about someone they know
who is disabled…etc… My irritation with this is two-fold: the first much like Heist
Moss’ experience with men harassing her, people stop to ask me about driving
all the time. So unfortunately if you are the millionth person I am going to be
annoyed. Further, I find when I am annoyed this is then interpreted as “people
with disabilities don’t like to talk about their disabilities ever…so just don’t”.
I find it interesting that in my experience there is not a lot of thought given
to the context of this situation. As it’s my blog I am going to point out the
difference that context makes. Yes, I get asked lots of questions about my disability
and yes sometimes it is annoying. However, if we are friends and you have a
question that is very different than someone interrupting my shopping to ask
how I pee. If I want to participate in something and we need to think of how to
adapt it? It makes sense that you would need to know what my disability is and
what I can do. If knowing about my disability helps you support me to do
something, or brings us closer together it makes sense. However, if you don’t know my first name it is
weird that you want to know about my body. If I am doing something that you
would not normally talk during (peeing, changing, having a conversation with
someone else, eating dinner in a public place not with you and you have to walk
across the room to speak with me) this is not an appropriate time or place for
you to ask. Further if you are simply inquiring for your own information this
is annoying. This is annoying because it usually happens when I am running late
or trying to do something.
To make my
point clear here are two examples. I
recently took a cardio boxing class. The class is designed for people who can
walk, run and jump. The instructor is also a spinning instructor whose class I
take. We are friendly and she knows me. When I approached her about taking the
boxing class, she said she would need to know more about my “situation” and
then apologized because she didn’t know the right word. I said “situation”
seemed like a good enough word and went on to explain my experience of disability
so we could think about adapting the class. While I appreciate her tact in
broaching the subject of my disability, I didn’t mind answering her questions
because, we know each other and there was relevant context. Alternatively, I
recently had someone randomly ask me if I live with a helper, and who pays my
rent? I have never met this person. I assume they live in my apartment but, really
don’t know. I was rude to this person because it is none of their business how I
live or who pays my rent. Further, I am annoyed at this person’s query because
it implies again that disability somehow troubles the human experience. We don’t
question how other young people live. We assume they are independent and paying
their own rent. This person’s question
is a reminder that I am not understood as quite human.
This leads to my
second irritation about answering disability related questions and how it
relates to Heist Moss article. Much like how her experience of harassment by
men makes manifest that we live in a sexist rape drive culture where women still
struggle for respect; the fact that it is novel to the general population I can
drive or live by myself makes manifest we still live in an ablest cultural
where being disabled causes someone’s capacity to be human and do “everyday
things” is still questioned. This
cultural confusion that disability somehow negates or blurs personhood is the
thing I would say I struggle with the most as a disabled person. This far out
ways any bodily limitation I may experience. I don’t want people to assume my
friends are my care takers. If I am out with
a group of girl friends I want to be read as such. I often find myself doing
things to assert my legitimacy as a person and worrying that people are or are
not perceiving me as such.
Cohen-Rottenberg’s article is a satire
flipping the script so to speak. Her writing imagines what would happen if we
approached those we read as “normal” non-disabled in the same way we as a
society approach disabled people. I really like her writing because it is a
playful commentary that highlights how we must remind the general population of
the humanness of people with disabilities. It illustrates the absurdity of this
odd gap between disability and the human condition. Further to that Cohen-Rottenberg’s
whole blog is a great collection of pieces on disability and representation,
much of it subversive humor.
I am grateful to both of these authors
and Jo for providing me with an opportunity to think about my interactions with
people and my disability.
Thank you
